中文式翻译英语的搞笑

【求几个英文幽默段子（要中文翻译，最好是发生在我们身边的事）】

Amanandhiswifewerehavingsomeproblemsathomeandweregivingeachotherthesilenttreatment.Thenextweek,themanrealizedthathewouldneedhiswifetowakehimat5amforanearlymorningbusinessflighttoChicago.Notwantingtobethefirsttobreakthesilence,hefinallywroteonapieceotpaper,"Pleasewakemeat5am."

Thenextmorningthemanwokeup,onlytodiscoveritwas9am,andthathehadmissedhisflight.Furious,hewasaboutotgoandseewhyhiswifehadn'twokenhimwhenhenoticedapieceofpaperbythebed,itsaid,"Itis5am,wakeup!"

Q:Whyaremushroomsinvitedtoparties?

A:Becausetheyaresuchfun-gi

Q:Whatwasthenameofthehairsalonnexttothegraveyard?

A:"CurlUpandDye."

Itwasattheendoftheschoolyear,andakindergartenteacherwasreceivinggiftsfromherpupils.Theflorist'ssonhandedheragift.Sheshookit,helditoverhead,andsaid,"IbetIknowwhatitis.Someflowers.""That'sright"theboysaid,"buthowdidyouknow?""Oh,justawildguess,"shesaid.Thenextpupilwasthecandyshopowner'sdaughter.Theteacherheldhergiftoverhead,shookit,andsaid,"IbetIcanguesswhatitis.Aboxofsweets.""That'sright,buthowdidyouknow?"askedthegirl."Oh,justawildguess,"saidtheteacher.Thenextgiftwasfromthesonoftheliquorstoreowner.Theteacherheldthepackageoverhead,butitwasleaking.Shetouchedadropoftheleakagewithherfingerandtouchedittohertongue."Isitwine?"sheasked."No,"theboyreplied,withsomeexcitement.Theteacherrepeatedtheprocess,takingalargerdropoftheleakagetohertongue."Isitchampagne?"sheasked."No,"theboyreplied,withmoreexcitement.Theteachertookonemoretastebeforedeclaring,"Igiveup,whatisit?"Withgreatglee,theboyreplied,"It'sapuppy!"

Onemorningamotherwastryingtowakeupherson."Wakeupnow!It'stimetogotoschool.""Idon'twanttogotoschool,"thesonreplied.Hismothersaid,"Givemetworeasonswhyyoudon'twanttogotoschool.""Okay.One,allthechildrenhateme.Two,alltheteachershateme.""Notgoodenough,"themotherreplied."Fine,"thesonsaid."ThenyougivemetwogoodreasonswhyISHOULDgotoschool.""One,you're50yearsold.Two,you'retheprincipaloftheschool."

Ayoungstudentreportedforafinalexaminationthatconsistedofonlytrue/falsequestions.Thestudenttookaseatinthehall,staredatthetestforfiveminutes,removedacoinfromhispocketandstartedtossingthecoinandmarkingtheanswersheet.Headsmeanttrue,tailsmeantfalse.Theyoungstudentfinishedtheexamin30minutes,whiletherestoftheclasswassweatingitout.Suddenly,duringthelastfewminutes,theyoungstudentbegandesperatelythrowingthecoinandsweatingprofusely.Themoderator,alarmed,approachedthestudentandaskedwhatwasgoingon."Well,Ifinishedtheexaminhalfanhour,"saidthestudent,"butIthoughtIoughttorecheckmyanswers."

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